Reflections from March 14, 2022—Day 3 of my journey.
One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn in life is that it’s okay to be okay.
When you go through something as devastating as losing a child, the bad days can feel never-ending. They pile on top of each other, one after another, until it seems like the weight of grief is all there is. But then, eventually, a good day comes.
And sometimes, that good day is just as overwhelming as the bad ones.
You might ask, how could that be? How could finally feeling okay be just as hard as the pain?
Because when you’ve endured profound loss, happiness can feel unfamiliar—even wrong. It feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop, like allowing yourself to feel joy will somehow invite more heartbreak. The fear of losing again makes it difficult to embrace the good. And yet, if grief teaches anything, it’s that life is fragile and fleeting.
So when those good days come, we have to learn to let them in.
The Struggle to Accept Joy
Looking back, this message still resonates deeply with me. Even today, I struggle with fully embracing joy when it comes. But I’ve come to believe something important: God wants what is good for us. He wants us to find happiness, even after pain. And when we trust in Him, when we hold onto faith and strive to do what is right, He rewards us with those good moments—not as a replacement for what we’ve lost, but as reminders that life can still hold beauty.
That doesn’t mean I will ever accept the idea that losing Max happened for a reason. No one could ever convince me of that. There is no justifiable reason for a parent to bury their child. But I do know that loss transforms us.
Turning Transformation Into Purpose
If Max had not come into my life, if I had not experienced the profound heartbreak of losing him, I would not be sitting here writing these words. I would not be pursuing my Master’s in Social Work. I would not be dedicating my life to helping others grow through what they go through.
Max changed me.
His presence, his absence, and the fire he left behind in me have shaped every part of who I am today.
So while I will never say that losing him happened for a reason, I will say this—his life, no matter how short, had meaning. And I will spend every day making sure that meaning lives on.
And that includes learning to embrace the good. Not because it erases the pain, but because he would want me to. Because it is okay to be okay.
From Loss to Legacy 
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